The
ponytail. Add one to a little girl to make her cute, to a grown up girl to look
casual and to a guy to look like a hippie.
My
proudest ponytail achievement is convincing my mother to let me go to preschool
with three ponytails. Yes, read that again, my dear: not one, not two, but three glorious ponytails.
But
I want to talk about the dark side of ponytails. Today, I’ll tell you why the
ponytail is evil. At least, that was my firm belief as a four year old
youngster with a superior sense of aesthetics.
Let’s first look at untied hair: it swings, it shines, it springs
waves of joy.
The ponytail? Restricted, strangled with a hair band. A complete
lack of life.
Of course, us little kids jumping all around the place made
those ponytails bounce up and down, But did that bouncing show us the elegance
of waving hair? Did the ponytail curl around our head in the slight summer
breeze? No, it didn’t.
A ponytail is just a fat body strangled at the top, slowly
tapering into a handful of miserable hair strands.
It's like some dead critter dangling off your head. Bounce,
bounce.
I devised a plan.
Obviously the problem was the dangling dead part. That
caused the strangled critter look and prevented the hair from being shiny and
lively and swinging around.
The plan was simple. All I needed was a pair of scissors and
some cooperation.
I'd bring remove the deady part and bring back life to your hair style. I’d make the world a better place, starting right here and now. Do you
want to be saved?
Every girl in kindergarten agreed. After all, who doesn’t want to
look pretty?
I left a trail of ponytails in my wake. But just as I had
started the salvation of my sister, my mother walked in. And that was the end of my good work as a hair style crusader.
...I regret nothing.
